MIDNATSBLOMST

Lau, 17, Denmark.

14604 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

galasai:

Catarina Moreno
Crave, 2008

7588 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

howtobeheard:

There are moments in life when you just want to give up, go to sleep and never wake up to face the turmoil of recent actions.
This is exactly how i feel right now. I binged tonight, but for the first time in 3 months, i purged afterward. I couldn’t bear the full feeling, that i gave in to the menace within myself and rushed to the toilet. I know that posting this is a risk since, my parents now know about my blog, however i can’t bear to tell them about this to their faces, as i know the look of disappointment as well as shock horror will emerge and therefore we will embrace the long - lost feeling of conflict.
Conflict as well as arguments revolving around food have been infrequent within my family household recently, therefore if i had told them about my recent course of actions then i am scared that it will be bought back. This is something i do not want.
Deep down, i know that my binge is not a ‘binge’ as it is on healthy foods, not cakes, doughnuts, crisps, chocolates etc. So is there really a need for me to feel so overly guilty? Am i over reacting? In all honesty, i have no idea. I am in a place right now where i can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. All i have in my mind right now, is the image of myself which haunts me. The image, that scares me of what i used to look like, and therefore what i could look like again. I am terrified of that image like a little child is terrified of the monsters under the bed.
I want to recover.
I don’t want to have to fight with myself every day.
I don’t want to worry about whether i will still be a certain size when i go shopping.
I want to be able to be a typical carefree teenage girl and feel comfortable enough to dance around a free house in her underwear.
I want to be able to spend my summer holiday wandering around the campsite in my bikini, proud of who i am, what i look like and to be able to say, this is my body, yes i may have damaged it, yes it may be on the mend, but i am proud of what i have achieved.
I say these things, however, i can’t see this happening if i were to eat more than i am already. I have probably said this already in one of my other posts, however it is a common thread and common theme within my course of suffering, therefore there is a need for it to be repeated.
I wish i could be carefree. I wish my mind wasn’t bogged down with calories and planning what my next meal will be.
I HATE THIS.

I’M AN ANOREXIC SUFFERER, GET ME OUTTA HERE!

Please?

1 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

691 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

61 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

16055 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

velveteen-queen:

cosmostruck:

heyitsjanesdiary:

After changing to fit into society, you are eventually going to want your old self back sooner or later

This. This is powerful.

Omg

Oh my god

189506 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

117034 ♥ / 14 May, 2013

9672 ♥ / 13 May, 2013

banishedfromcamelot:

Photo by Dmitry Chapala

1313 ♥ / 13 May, 2013